K so I'd written and published a looong blog post just now, eating into my dinnertime n stuff, and when I came back and re-read it, just got increasingly annoyed with myself and deleted it. omg how many times do I have to whine to the world to complain about sept?! sigh. It wasn't even THAT terrible, the way I'm making it out to be. But apart from those 5 reasons I'd written earlier, there were two more which made the month suckier - the AT totally busy at work with an absolutely MAD schedule, and getting increasingly closer to quarter-life crisis!

So a review of the month: I have to admit, the first day was indeed crappy. At work. Involving a meeting with the management committee and major embarrassment on my part. And that's when, with the help of others, I realised that if I continue to be this weak, there's no way I can survive in this cut-throat world. And this is just the beginning of adulthood. What happens when I do further studies, in addition to work, and then marriage and responsibilities, and then KIDS?! omg. So then I started thinking of myself as some spineless sap, with no purpose in life. As vidhu put it, an Existential Crisis. Dumb insecurities which creep into my mind and completely change the way I think and do stuff. Wasn't suicidal or anything, but just very blah about life. And again, made another realisation, that I have to start constructively contributing to the world. And improve myself as well. Today, I just randomly flipped to a page in 7 habits for the teenage soul, and the first thing I saw was:

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

This immediately struck a chord. I keep saying the same stuff, but I dunno, it's some kind of temporary inspiration/realisation I guess which keeps coming and going. I'm the one who controls my life. If I want to see some kind of change in my life and lifestyle, I'm the main person who can make it happen. True that environment, bosses, family, etc play a very big part. But ultimately the choices are mine right? So I read that really optimistic post I wrote some time back about wanting to REALLY experience life and now feel much better. Also, it helps that Oct has been pretty great so far. Oh man I'm totally digressing and talking about a whole lot of things at once.

Right so the first day was bad. Navarathri was great - lotsa arguments and annoyances but the end-product was totally worth it! The concert - oh GOD. Voice totally died coz it was being drowned by the instruments, but others all say it's coz of my nervousness. I'm sure both played a part. I was definitely not confident for one of the songs, and that was the longest one. So I was pretty upset after it ended but the immense relief took over shortly and after that I didn't care too much :P anyway, that's another avenue that needs to be improved on.

Um oh and the fact that we only met ONCE the whole month was rather sad, and timings clashed so badly. But the birthday celebs were really sweet :) I was not at all looking forward to it actually, and was very busy with work on that day. But 13th, 14th and 15th was lovely with all the wishes, outings, surprises and catching up. Thanks you guys!

I think I've started blabbering. It's past 12.30 and I should be sleeping but I feel weird. Gah. Oh went to the library one day to get myself some chick lit and got six books of fluff (yes the limit's SIX books now wooooot!). Brainless feel-good chicklit is so awesome, and somehow inspires me heh. So did Gossip Girl wth. I felt I need to put in more effort in how I look, to feel better and more confident. Does that go into "shallow" territory? Anyway. First weekend which wasn't completely packed so I took time off to smell the roses (i.e. watch dumb tv shows and drink tea and read) and catch up with people. Watched The Time Traveller's Wife! Went without expectations and really liked the movie (after not really liking the 5 previous movies watched previously). It was a really rejuvenating weekend. Maybe that's why I'm still awake now. I feel high and drunk. Ok maybe diary-writing will help. I hope I don't end up deleting this post too. Goodnight.