gosh I'm feeling so awful right now! The weather being so dull and dreary is completely reflecting my mood and not at all helping. It's a feeling of sadness, tinged with regret and well, nostalgia. The latter most seems to be haunting me a lot these days, thanks to my idle mind, and that just leads to sadness and regret! Sigh.

So what happened was, I went back to NUS yesterday to watch med fac's Playhouse competition. And I walked down the halls of Engineering towards macs and felt a gush of emotion. I had no idea I'd actually feel that way, considering how much I disliked life in NUS. But the fact that I was actually a student there just few months back hit me badly, and how it'll never be the same again. Exams and studies have been part of my life for the last 18 years, and suddenly all that is gone. Yes I do plan to study further, but it's definitely not the same thing. People are older, more serious and probably meaner, and the whole campus-life thing is never gonna happen again. sigh. So when I watched playhouse, I realised how much I miss that kinda stuff.. Events where many people are involved, and teamwork is absolutely crucial. Even project work and staying back late - I miss that so much! (to ykw, I'm so glad I'm not the only idiot who does this :D)

And the regret thing, well sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice about not joining medicine, considering most of my close friends are studying it. I'd have been a much better person, constantly on top of things with studies and with better time management skills, but then I think about more and I don't think I have the guts that you guys have. A tiny spot of blood makes me queasy, so nope, no wayyy. I guess I regret it because I'll never be able to understand what you go through everyday! And I see the closeness that you all have and it's SO NICE. Ok but that's just a small lame thing. Main regret is Engineering in NUS was probably not the right choice. And that too, electrical engineering. Actually I dunno, I really enjoyed some of the modules, but ALL my grades reflected the total opposite!! I am still puzzling over that. And at this point, it seems that grades are what're the most important in finding a job. I really think that if I'd joined a different university, things would've been so different in terms of striving for excellence and having a reason to live every day to its fullest, like how I did back in JC.

The worst thing about all this is it's all in the past and there's no way I can change any of this. So it's completely pointless even thinking about it. But well, since I can't constantly read self-help books all day long, I do inevitably think about it and feel awful. Extremely irritating. Got to go back to the present and focus on the future, which is right now seems like one big murky, blurry um cloud.

Oh and I also went to Jurong Regional Library where popular books are more easily available. Managed to get 4 totally brainless, chicklit-y books and I love the one I'm reading right now! It's called "Dear Prince Charming" hehehe. The first page of each chapter has a little paragraph which is very interesting so I'm gonna blog about it the next time I get the computer! Hopefully later today.

Teenu's starting his A's tomorrow so lots of tension at home. Luckily reading makes me oblivious to everything around :D heh this post is so confusing but oh well. That's what blogs are for! Comp in demand now, byeeee.